What I want for lunch today…but I need your help!!!

Posted in Food with tags , , , , on May 5, 2008 by Jason Tyne

One of our designers moved out this week and left this tasty tidbit behind.

I was really excited to cook it up for lunch, but l I realized that it was entirely in Japanese!

Anyone able to help me translate how to make this exotic food?

Unusual stat of the day: Someone found my blog by searching for “johnny depp’s gonzo fist necklaces”.  Anyone even know what that could mean?

so·phis·ti·cate (s-fist-kt) 1. To make less naive and more worldly.

Posted in New York Life with tags , , on April 28, 2008 by Jason Tyne

I’m definitely the least sophisticated person at The Fashion School, but I cover it well…usually.  My combination of sports-jacket-and-jeans or a full-suit-with-converse makes it seem like I have the funky-office-alternative look down pat.  I especially get tickled with our design professors and industry professionals come in and compliment me on my look, but once in a while my Philistine nature betrays me:

Last week, several Professional Seminar teachers were in the office preparing for a lecture on dinner-interviews…specifically where to place your silverware at the end of the meal.  They disagree over the twelve-to-six position or the ten-to-four position, and look to me. 

I laugh and say, “Oh, I’m the wrong person to ask.  I never eat at any place fancier than TGI Fridays.” 

They all laugh…the laughter is followed by an awkward pause…and a bewildered, “Really?” 

I laugh and say “Of course not.”

We all share a good laugh as I wonder if Cooper’s Tavern would be considered a step up or a step down from Friday’s.

Yesterday there was a student in my office, and her necklace caught my eye.  It was a silver heart on which was engraved the word TACO.  I thought this was hilarious and exactly the type of irony that I love.  I complimented her “Taco Necklace”. 

“Taco?  What do you mean ‘Taco’?” 

“There…on your charm.  I love it.  I mean a silver charm that says ‘Taco’ is awesome.” 

“Um…it says ‘Tiffany and Company’.” 

Sure enough what I had thought was an A was actually an ampersand.  “T&CO” makes infinitely more sense.

This week’s Economist has an article on the joys of parenthood…sort of.

Posted in Politics with tags , on April 21, 2008 by Jason Tyne

In fact it is an article about happiness and the causes and effects thereof.  The thesis is framed around Arthur Brooks’ book Gross National Happiness.  It takes different classes of people, looks at their relative happiness levels, and how often, in terms of our perceived notions of happiness, the cart often leads the horse.

 

Let’s take the example of parenthood: 

 

Fact #1: People who have children are happier than people who do bot have children. 

 

This might lead one to suspect that having children increases happiness.  Studies show that it has the opposite effect: having children actually makes people generally unhappier.  How is this possible that people with children aren’t unhappier than people with children?  It’s a simple misunderstanding of the cause and the effect.  The truth is that happy people are more likely to have children; happiness causes children…not the other way around.

 

He then goes on to discuss political classes: 

 

Fact #2: Conservatives are more happy than liberals. 

 

Doesn’t that make you want to run to the far right, just so you can be happy?  Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way; it isn’t possible.  It’s another case of misunderstanding cause and effect.  Being conservative doesn’t make you happy; being happy makes you conservative.  If you are content with the way things are, you will want to keep the status quo…the hallmark of a conservative.  If things change, it might make you less happy.  Being unhappy, conversely, makes you want to change things, therefore people who want change generally gravitate towards the left.  If you’re a liberal and you want to stop being unhappy then you have to stop caring so much about wanting to make things better.  If you’re already aware of them (and if you are a self-proclaimed liberal you probably are) this means to be happy you need to turn a blind eye to things that need changing.

 

Do not fear, though, there is still something else that can make you happy even if you cannot bring yourself to accept the status quo:

 

Fact #3: Although conservatives are happier than liberals, extreme conservatives and extreme conservatives are both happier than moderates. 

 

To visualize unhappiness in politics, picture the Olympic medalist stand.  The guy in the middle with the gold medal of unhappiness is standing on the highest block, the guy on the left with the silver medal of unhappiness is standing on the medium-sized block, and the guy on the right with the bronze medal of unhappiness is standing on the smallest block.  “Extremists are happy, Mr Brooks reckons, because they are certain that they are right.  Alas, this often leads them to conclude that the other side is not merely wrong, but evil.”  So even if you can’t change your liberal ways, you can still be happy(er) if you embrace the complete inability to accept the possibility that your beliefs might be wrong. 

 

That’s what Lexington says, I can’t say that I agree:

 

Fact #4: There are twice as many angry conservatives in this country as their are angry liberals. 

 

(This fact comes from Hal Malchow’s book not Brooks’ article.)

 

How does that fit into the picture?  Does happiness make you angry?  Ridiculous.  Does anger cause happiness?  Perhaps.  Malchow goes on to say, “Liberals by their very nature don’t get as angry as conservatives do.”  By their very nature, then Conservatives are happier and enjoy being angry.  Could this tie back in to their self-confidence in their being “right”?  The biggest problem is that to do a proper survey on happiness, the surveyor needs a way to quantify what happiness is.  In the survey Brooks used, they used self-evaluation.  They simply asked people, “Are you happy? … How happy/unhappy are you?”  Therefore it was not proved that conservatives actually are happier than liberals; it was only proved that conservatives think that they are happier than liberals (and therefore extremists only think that they are happier than moderates).  On one hand I believe that if you think that you’re happy, then you are…but then why are conservatives and extremists getting so angry all the time?

 

The answer lies in where one finds happiness.  I was reminded this past weekend of an Asian proverb about building one’s house on the sand.  I wish I had written it down, but there’s a useful biblical version of it as well (Matthew 7:24-27 for anyone that’s keeping score):

 

A wise man [builds] his house upon a rock: and the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. [...] A foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell.

 

If your happiness is built upon a solid foundation, you have nothing to worry about.  If your happiness is built upon a weak foundation, you will probably be plagued by a nagging feeling that your happiness will slip away from you.  This nagging will turn into fear and that fear will drive you to be angry at anyone that poses a threat to your happiness.  It’s tricky because we often don’t realize from where our happiness stems.  If you find happiness through money, it will make you afraid of other people taking your money…leading you to strive to take money away from other people.  If you find happiness is politics, it will make you afraid of losing power…leading you to manipulate political situations so that your power is assured.  If you find happiness in religion, it will make you afraid of your faith being flawed…leading you to seek out and vilify those who have different beliefs than you.  If you have a president that finds happiness through money, politics, and religion you will have a president who instills fear to legitimize his dropping of bombs on Muslims to help his oil business…but I digress.

 

What this made me realize is that we need a president who doesn’t enjoy being president.  Unlike Adams* I believe that we need a president that knows and wants to be in power, but shouldn’t enjoy it.  I want a miserable sonuvabitch to go to work begrudgingly every day to balance budgets, create jobs, and stop wars.  At the end of the day he will go home and complain to his wife and family about what a crappy job he has.  This is the sort of man who won’t be distracted by the foundations of his happiness because he doesn’t have any!  He won’t want to expand an empire or philosophy, he won’t be distracted from the job by personal passions, and he won’t start a war without a damn good reason.  I want a party to figure out who the best person for the job is, chase them down, and convince them to be president…instead of the other way around.  Then we’d have the perfect president!

 

*Yes, Jenny, I do mean Douglas Adams not John Adams.

 

Quantitative proof that political correctness has gone too far.

Posted in New York Life with tags , , , on April 14, 2008 by Jason Tyne

I’m not a comedian, so I’m not here to rehash any of the old jokes about “bald people” being “follicly impaired”.  That’s a bad leftover joke from the P.C. craze that swept through several years ago, but it was such a strong fad that was mostly forgotten that we’ve forgotten how much it’s impacted us and how we treat other people.  “Homeless person” is a better example of this than “follicly impaired” since the former is a moniker we actually use.  When I was a kid visiting New York City for the first time, we called people living on the streets “bums”.  Now they’re “homeless people”.  The question is whether elevating a bum to the status of “homeless person” actually helps them.  I’ve done research on the subject and, in fact, it’s actually debilitating to their livelihood to deny them their bum status.  Here are the facts:

Salary Comparison

Given that choice, wouldn’t you rather be a bum than be homeless?

Interesting Blog Stat for the day:

My King Lear post generated triple-digits on my blog.  I guess dropping famous people’s pictures is the way to go rather than just name dropping.  I looked up exactly what people were looking for when they stumbled upon my blog.  These are terms people used to find my blog:

Search Views
johnny depp 20
christina ricci 13
kermit 5
susan sarandon 5
depp 2
christina ricci’s feet 1

Christina Ricci’s feet?  Really?  Weird…

fabulous review of Sporknotes…keep it coming!

Posted in theatre with tags , , on April 7, 2008 by Jason Tyne

Mary Hilton: Sporknotes and Other Worthy Improv in NYC

Improv is one of those random acts of performance that can have you hurtin’ yourself with laughter, or bulldozing fellow patrons as you skedaddle for the exit. But if you want to see this ancient artform at its most skillfully wacky, then see improv in New York City. You’ve got the ticket-lines-around-the-corner Upright Citizens Brigade, fantastic site-specific Improv Everywhere, randy Peoples Improv Theater, legit National Comedy Theater, and of course just single comics galore. Really, you can’t go too wrong with improv here.Sporknotes, an ensemble improv show by the Rising Sun Performance Company, as part of the Frigid Festival 2008. If you are in the mood for thumbtack sharp improv wit, all under the guise of a literary roundtable, then check it out. Essentially, the actors - all unskilled non-academics - do their best to improvise abridged versions of highbrow literature. I was fortunate to be there on the night when that great American masterpiece, The Little Engine That Could, was shouted out by an audience member to became the madcap plot outline through which eight or so actors tapdanced. Wackiness ensued, but so did political commentary, sexual innuendo and Transformers. Let’s just say, it takes deliciously sick minds to come up with this stuff, and its pure delight to go along for the ride.Horse Trade Theater Group. It makes for a fun go-see, so check it out.

I had the pleasure of seeing

Hats off to the whole cast, who never failed to roll with the punches, even when they were below the belt. The show will have a more regular schedule soon, through

Check it out you say? 

April Foolishness

April 11th 8pm
with Queen of Sharks and Chemistry Grad School

at EndTimes Underground @ the Gene Frankel Theatre
24 Bond Street New York, NY 10012

As I sidenote, I was amused by Today’s blogstats.  According to wordpress, the following three search terms led people to my blog:

“what is a handsome room?”
“we don’t remember”
“muslim extremest”

The Casting Game: King Lear

Posted in theatre with tags on March 31, 2008 by Jason Tyne

Round one of the casting game is to take the show you’re working on and cast it with famous people, your “dream cast”.

 
King Lear - Vincent Price

Bebe Neuwirth
Goneril - Bebe Neuwirth

Susan Sarandon
Regan - Susan Sarandon

Christina Ricci 
Cordelia - Christina Ricci

Kelsey Grammer
Albany - Kelsey Grammer

Barry Bostwick
Cornwall - Barry Bostwick

Brad Pitt
Edmund - Brad Pitt


Edgar - Alfonso Freeman

Morgan Freeman
Gloucester - Morgan Freeman

Bruce Willis
Kent - Bruce Willis

Johnny Depp
Fool - Johnny Depp


France - Kick Gurry

David Hyde Pierce
Oswald - David Hyde Pierce

Round two of the casting game is to take the show you’re working on and cast it with muppets. (The cast must include at least one human guest-star and must be at least half muppets.)

EDIT: 04/01/2008

I got it!  The main cast came together easily, but I was having trouble casting the Gloucester family.  At first I thought it would be funny to have Scooter play Gloucester. (I’ll let you figure our why.  It might take you a while, but the same joke works with his replacement.  You’ll get it.)  Then I picked Sam as the pretentious bastard and Sweetums as the sweet brother because I thought they were good types.  Better than that would be Scooter playing Edgar, and Skeeter playing Edmund.  She’s kind of the bastard muppet anyway…here’s the final cast:


King Lear - Peter Ustinov

Miss Piggy
Goneril - Miss Piggy


Regan - Janice

Prairie Dawn
Cordelia - Prairie Dawn

Kermit
Albany - Kermit

 
Cornwall - Gonzo

Skeeter
Edmund - Skeeter

Scooter
Edgar - Scooter

Honeydew
Gloucester - Scooter

Michael Douglas
Kent - Michael Douglas


Fool - Fozzie

Guy Smiley
France - Guy Smiley

Robin
Oswald - Robin

Spitzer? I hardly know her!

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , , , , on March 24, 2008 by Jason Tyne

The im/morality of prostitution is a subject I’ll leave to the feminists and economists to debate, but whichever side of the argument you take everyone objects to Spitzer using state funds to travel to and from his sexual exploits, rent the hotel rooms for said sexual exploits, and doing it on time when he should have been working for the state.  Even if you don’t believe prostitution should be illegal, all New Yorkers seem to agree that misuse of state funds is wrong.  This is why the IRS brought Spitzer in and not the FBI. 

So where does that leave us?  Should it take an action that is dubiously moral to get our attention that government leaders should not misuse state funds?   I think that to be consistent with the execution of the Spitzer case, we should demand consistent resignations for misuse of state funds.

Is your governor using a state plane for personal business? 

“I’m sorry, sir…did you use the state plane to go on a golfing trip?  We’re going to have to ask you to resign.” 

Is your government official charging a hotel room for non-job related expenses?

“I’m sorry, sir…the ski lodge doesn’t count as a hotel expense for your position.  We’re going to have to ask you to resign.” 

Is your president using government property for personal use?

“I’m sorry, Mr. President…You spent three weeks at Camp David this month when you were supposed to be running the country.  By now you’ve probably made it unconstitutional to ask you to resign, but could you at least run the country for a week or two before taking another vacation?  Thanks.”

I need more hits on my blog; I bet this bit of news will do it!

Posted in Blogs about Blogging with tags , , , , , on March 17, 2008 by Jason Tyne

Many people have been asking, “Why Easter Date Is Early?”  The answer is that when Charlize Theron kidnapped Natalee Holloway, she took a week of Lent with her.  Much like the NASCAR and NCAA Brackets, the date of Easter is dependent on forty days, or team, which play it out to see which day will actually be Easter.  Many people have tried to download this missing week off of Limewire, but because of the Easter songs released this year by Britney Spears and Hi-5 it has been hard to find using the P2P service.  Without any proof linking Theron to either the Holloway kidnapping or the missing week of Lent, the IRS has tried to pin the theft on Ashley Alexandra Dupre.  Dupre was not available for comment as she was cross-training for both the NIT Basketball Tournament and the Pacquiao Vs Marquez bout.  When asked for comment, Manny Pacquiao had this to say, “I ain’t fightin’ no ho’ from Club Penguin.  This ain’t the WWE.  This ain’t the NBA.”  This seems to be a mistaken reference to the Emperors Club VIP.  Club Penguin is an offshoot of RuneSpace, a website dedicated to researching Easter Bunny Origins.  The reference to NBA is questionable.  Sheryl Crow posited that he is probably referring to Naruto: Bad Ass, the live-action version of the popular Anime in which he will be starring next year.

I don’t care that Obama’s a Muslim, but for the reason you might think.

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , , , , on March 10, 2008 by Jason Tyne

If you think you know me, you might think that I would never believe the rumors that Barack Obama is a Muslim.  Well, surprise.  I believe it, but it doesn’t bother me to have an Islamic president.  We have a long history of effective Islamic presidents in this country. 

Here is a picture that proves that George Bush, our current president, is also a Muslim.  

Here’s one that shows without a doubt that Clinton is also a Muslim. 

Since it’s been irrevocably proven that the Bill is Muslim, should it surprise anyone that Hilary is also one? 

Basically if you’re a democrat, you’re being asked to choose between to Islamic candidates. 

While Obama is obviously a closeted Islamic, I think he’s still going to be a better president than a closeted Islamic Jew.  How can Clinton possibly deny being a Jew after this picture was leaked to the Internet?

At least he’s not a communist like our current president! 

In closing, I fully support Obama.  As a Muslim extremest we all know that he cannot bear to hold his hand to his heart out of respect for our national anthem, but we’ve all seen how the current president mocks our patriotism by standing during the anthem and pledging his allegiance to our country from his bowels. 

Literature Quiz

Posted in theatre with tags , , , on March 3, 2008 by Jason Tyne

1. Called the second most famous line in English literature, what is the closing line of A Tale of Two Cities?

a) “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

b) “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.”

c) “Repression is the only lasting philosophy. The dark deference of fear and slavery, my friend…will keep the dogs obedient to the whip, as long as this roof…shuts out the sky.”

d) “This really is a tale of two titties.”

2. Which of the following powers does Spider-Man possess?

a) clings to walls

b) superhuman strength

c) spider-sense

d) attractive to mentally challenged women

3. In The Master and Margarita, which of the following did Homeless not do to make money?

a) Write poetry

b) Beg on the street

c) Work at the Gap

d) Donate sperm

If you didn’t answer D-D-C, you need to come see Sporknotes and get schooled.