I’ve never been able to meditate. I feel silly. I’m sitting there…or lying…eyes closed…or staring at a candle…whatever…and I can’t do anything but think about the fact that I’m trying not to think about it…this thought process is intermittently interrupted by the thought that I feel silly.
So I gave up.
This summer I found myself in a Creek with nothing to do. It was a lazy day on vacation and we had no plans until the evening. It was too shallow to swim, so I was just floating. Without trying to I started to drift. I closed my eyes and just felt myself being drifted along by the current. The movement distracted myself from everything else so I didn’t have to try to meditate…suddenly I just was.
Of course because I was in such a state of meditation…and having done so accidentally…I didn’t even realize I was meditating. It wasn’t until a dragonfly landed on my nose that my meditation was broken and I realized that I realized that I was doing it. Before losing the feeling I allowed myself to drift into meditation again and after a while I wasn’t even aware of the movement and I was just aware of my breathing.
I was doing it.
I was meditating.
No great words of wisdom in this post, but I thought it might be interesting to share with anyone that was trying to meditate but finding it hard. The stillness…the awareness of gravity…the weight of my body…somehow I couldn’t escape that until I was floating downstream on a lazy afternoon.